Ho ho ho… or should I say, oh no no? The holiday season is upon us, folks, and it’s time to deck the halls with boughs of stress relief. From gift-buying pressures that make your wallet cry to family dynamics that could rival a soap opera, the holidays can turn even the jolliest of us into Scrooges. But fear not, my festive friends! I’ve compiled 10 ways to handle holiday stress that will help you sleigh (see what I did there?) this season with more ease and less “Bah humbug!”
Also, before we dive into our list, let’s acknowledge something important: While many are celebrating, some of us are carrying grief through the holiday season. Whether it’s your first holiday without a loved one or your fifth, grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and that’s perfectly okay. Let’s make space for both joy and remembrance this season.
Embrace Imperfection (Or As I Call It, “Perfectly Imperfect”)
Let’s start with a question: Are you constantly striving for the perfect holiday experience? You know, the kind you see in those Hallmark movies where everyone’s sweaters match and nobody burns the turkey?
If you answered yes, it’s time to let that go faster than your aunt lets go of her New Year’s resolutions. Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect tree, perfect decorations, or a perfect Christmas morning. Your tree might look like it was decorated by a tornado, and that’s okay! Embrace the chaos – it makes for better stories later.
For Those Grieving: Perfection becomes even more meaningless when you’re grieving. Some days you might feel festive, others you might not want to celebrate at all. Both are valid. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions surface – there’s no “right” way to grieve during the holidays.
Pro Tip: Create a signal with trusted family members when you need a moment alone. It could be as simple as touching your ear or using a code word like “peppermint.” This gives you an escape route when emotions become overwhelming.
Set a Realistic Budget (And Maybe Hide Your Credit Cards)
Here’s a startling statistic: 70% of people expect to exceed their holiday budget. Are you one of them? Is your credit card smoking from overuse?
Overspending is a major source of holiday stress that can linger well into the new year – kind of like that fruitcake no one wants to eat. To avoid this, set a realistic budget for gifts, decorations, and festivities. Stick to it like your life depends on it (because your January bank statement kind of does). Remember, it’s the thought that counts, not the price tag. Your loved ones will appreciate your homemade macaroni picture frame just as much as a designer watch. Probably.
Establish Healthy Boundaries (A.K.A. The Art of Saying “No”)
Let’s be honest: Do family gatherings sometimes feel more stressful than joyful? Like you’re starring in your own holiday horror movie?
If so, it’s crucial to set healthy boundaries. This might mean limiting time spent with certain relatives (sorry, Uncle Bob and your political rants), avoiding sensitive topics, or even choosing to celebrate separately if relationships are particularly strained. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your mental health, even during the holidays. “No” is a complete sentence, and “I’d rather stick a candy cane in my eye” is an acceptable alternative.
Manage Gift Expectations (Or How to Avoid Christmas Morning Meltdowns)
Parents, here’s a question for you: How often do you use the phrase “maybe you’ll get it for Christmas” with your kids? Is it your go-to response from January to November?
Be cautious with this statement. It sets unrealistic expectations that can lead to disappointment (and tantrums) on Christmas morning. Instead, have open conversations about reasonable gift expectations. Consider implementing traditions like the “want, need, wear, read” gift-giving strategy. It’s a great way to keep things balanced and avoid your living room looking like a toy store exploded on December 25th.
Find Joy in the Simple Things (Like Not Burning the Christmas Cookies)
When was the last time you truly appreciated a quiet moment during the holiday season? Was it sometime back in 1997?
The holidays don’t have to be expensive or elaborate to be enjoyable. Take time to savor simple pleasures: a conversation with a loved one, the beauty of falling snow, or the miracle of not setting off the smoke alarm while baking. These moments, often free of charge, can be the most memorable parts of your holiday season. Plus, they make for much better Instagram posts than another picture of your Elf on the Shelf.
For Those Grieving: Simple moments can become sacred spaces for remembrance. Consider creating new traditions that honor your loved one:
- Set a place at the table with their favorite holiday dish
- Light a special candle in their memory
- Share favorite holiday stories about them
- Make their signature recipe
- Hang an ornament or decoration that reminds you of them
Remember: It’s okay to laugh and share happy memories even while grieving. Honor your feelings. Joy and sadness can coexist, especially during the holidays.
Adopt a “Less is More” Mentality (Unless We’re Talking About Eggnog)
Are you feeling overwhelmed by holiday commitments and decorations? Does your house look like Christmas threw up all over it?
Unless the overabundance of décor brings you pure joy, remember, less is often more. You don’t need to attend every party or deck every hall. Choose a few meaningful decorations rather than cluttering your space. Select a handful of important events to attend. By simplifying, you create more space for relaxation and genuine enjoyment. And let’s be honest, do you really need another light-up reindeer on your lawn?
Practice Gratitude (Even for the Weird Gifts)
In the hustle and bustle of the season, do you take time to reflect on what you’re grateful for? Even that strange figurine your great-aunt Mildred gives you every year?
Make it a daily practice to acknowledge the positives in your life, especially during stressful times. Maybe your travel plans weren’t perfect, but you arrived safely. Perhaps you didn’t get every gift on your list, but you received thoughtful presents from loved ones (yes, even that figurine counts). Focusing on gratitude can significantly shift your perspective and reduce stress. Plus, it’s a great way to avoid family arguments – it’s hard to fight when you’re busy being thankful!
Consider Outsourcing (Because You’re Not Santa)
Have you ever thought about hiring help during the holidays? Or do you insist on doing it all yourself like some kind of festive superhero?
If it’s within your means, consider outsourcing some tasks. Hire a neighborhood teen to shovel snow, or a cleaning service before guests arrive. Remember, sometimes spending money to buy time can be a worthwhile investment in your mental health and overall holiday experience. Plus, it gives you more time to perfect your eggnog recipe (or drink someone else’s).
Avoid Preemptive Worrying (Save It for the New Year)
Do you find yourself stressing about potential holiday scenarios that haven’t happened yet? Like whether Aunt Marge will comment on your weight gain or if the dog will eat the turkey?
This is what we call “crossing the bridge twice.” It’s wasted energy to worry about situations that may never arise. Instead, deal with challenges as they come. You’ll be surprised how many of your worries never materialize, and you’ll have more energy to handle real issues if they do occur. Save that worrying energy for January 1st when you have to face all those resolutions!
Practice Moderation (Except When It Comes to Joy)
In what areas of your life could you benefit from more moderation during the holidays? Besides your ugly Christmas sweater collection, of course.
Whether it’s food, alcohol, spending, or commitments, moderation is key to reducing holiday stress. Enjoy treats, but balance them with healthy meals. Participate in festivities, but also schedule downtime. By finding a middle ground, you can enjoy the season without the extremes that often lead to stress and regret. Remember, the only thing that should be stuffed is the turkey!
Special Note on Grief During the Holidays
As mentioned in our conversation with mental health experts, the second or third holiday season after losing a loved one can actually be harder than the first. Why? During the first year, people often rally around you, but support might naturally decrease as time passes. Here’s what you can do:
Communicate Your Needs
- Tell people if you want to talk about your loved one
- Let hosts know you might need to leave events early
- Share if certain traditions are too painful this year
Plan Ahead
- Schedule quiet time for reflection
- Identify potentially triggering situations and prepare coping strategies
- Have an exit strategy for holiday gatherings
Honor Your Loved One
- Create a memory box with holiday mementos
- Write them a letter
- Do something they loved during the holidays
- Make a donation in their name
Accept Support
- Let others help with holiday tasks
- Join a grief support group
- Consider professional counseling (like the services offered at Moxie Nova)
Be Gentle With Yourself
- It’s okay to say no to holiday events
- You can change traditions or start new ones
- There’s no expiration date on grief
Remember: The holidays have a way of amplifying both joy and loss. If you’re grieving, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to pretend to be okay when you’re not. Grief isn’t about letting go – it’s about learning how to move forward in life with that grief.
Whether you’re managing typical holiday stress, navigating grief, or both, remember that this season is yours to experience in whatever way feels right to you. There’s no rulebook for how to handle the holidays, especially when your heart is healing.
Remember, the holidays are about connection, gratitude, and joy – not perfection, stress, or maxing out your credit cards. By implementing these strategies, you can minimize stress and maximize the true spirit of the season.
Wishing you peaceful, joyous, and gentle moments and hopefully a slightly less chaotic holiday season! May your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmas cookies bake beautifully on the first try! And remember, sometimes the brightest lights shine through our cracks – just like those temperamental Christmas lights. ❤️
